Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
