Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
