i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
