On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
