1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
