No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
