I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
