Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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