I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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