You're so nebulous sometimes
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
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it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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