2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
