just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
