dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
