im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Come on in and take your pants off
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