too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
