i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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