i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just want nice things and good sex
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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