Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
