i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
