i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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