that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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