What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
