My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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