apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
