dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
