friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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