Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize