I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
