No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
