Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
