wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
