Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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