only you would photoshop your dick
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
