im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
