Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
