No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
