some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I puked a lego.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
