a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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