do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize