It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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