you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
