He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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