does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
