Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
