Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
