Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
