Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
