im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
