You smell like stripper and shame
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
