Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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