Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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