Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
