I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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