Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
