Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
