I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
