the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
