you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
