already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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