He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Randomize
