It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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