Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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