Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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