Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
