i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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