im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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