My hand turned me down
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
