so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
