Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
