I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
