oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I want a musical about memes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
