I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
