Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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