the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
