tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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